What a lovely weekend. Just enough sun to keep everything ticking over and just enough cold to wrap up in lovely warm coats. Of course we had Guy Fawkes night and I spent most of it trying to peel my little Oscar off the ceiling. He's never been bothered by them before and we took him for a long walk in the hope that it would tire him out just in case but no, this was the year he decided to go bonkers over them. We were planning to go to St Helens to see them but I'm glad I listened to my instinct to stay home because god knows what state my house would have been in if we had left him. The good news is it's week 3 now since we've come back from holidays and 5 weeks since I uncovered an old habit of resistance. It's amazing just how much that one little habit has impacted the enjoyment of my day to day life. My fear of psychic information as a child caused me to form a habit of trying to keep it away from me. That habit developed into other areas of my life where I, completely unknowingly, kept certain things at arms length until I could analyze and understand them intellectually as a way of controlling them. Of course this habit meant that no matter what was showing up in my life it had a hurdle to leap over. If any of you have the experience where you DO get your manifestations but they always seem to come with more “bumps” than you would like then maybe there's a habit of resistance there for you too? Maybe you resisted growing up? Adulthood? Maybe you didn't have someone who modeled joy or responsibility in a way that made it appealing to you? Take a little time today and dig into your mind to see why you are resisting and what you are resisting.
Now that habit has gone for me I find myself in a wonderfully familiar place. Finding a brand new normal. I honestly am having to create a new emotional skill set to just accept my new level of happiness. Thankfully Stuart is completely on this journey with me. We both seem to be just floating along in our own little bubble with thoughts, ideas and a brand new energy that we don't quite know where to focus yet. We decided last year that we wanted to travel more but the exhaustion with which we were living in day to day just wore us out. Now when work is over it's like the day starts all over again and we have a whole new canvas to look at. It's strange though, even in the middle of all of this joy I have found old “voices” or habits that keep trying to lead down a path of feeling angry or frustrated but the more I just accept that they are there and keep moving forward anyway the fainter they are getting. I'm not naïve enough to think that they will go away forever but they are certainly not in the driving seat of my life.
That's an important point to make and one I wanted to make today. If you are like me and are having to learn a new way of being on the planet don't expect all of the old you to go away. It's been existing in your body for a long time and the new you has to acclimatize. We all have an inner critic/inner cynic/self saboteur. That part of you will always be there especially if you are going to grow but you get to choose whether to listen to it or not. When I find myself starting to grumble about absolutely NOTHING I laugh at my own brain and immediately focus harder on the direction I want to go. In a way I am grateful for the negative inner talk during times like these because it's a sign that I am moving in the right direction. It wouldn't need to voice it's opinion so hard if on some level it wasn't being challenged. Remember that your life is a reflection of the energy you CHOOSE to honour. You'll get bad days, we all do, but you can change it around. It's not about resisting the old, it's about affirming the new. Go do it!
Thank you,
Big Love,
Ryan James x
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