We have all woken up inside relationships that feel like they don't belong to us. We've all had some degree of looking at the person we are in some way shape or form “in love” with and realizing that we don't have the same feelings for them that we used to. I personally think that when you are brave enough to allow this realization within yourself that you are actually doing the relationship a huge favour. It's this birds eye perspective that can give you clarity on where you are or at the very least where you think you are. We all change, we all evolve and become different versions of ourselves. If we are lucky we grow even more so inside a relationship with someone who is not only aware of who you are but loves you for it too. I am so blessed to have that and as I've shared with you on here many times me and Stu have grown together and will continue to grow together for as long as the Universe allows our love to bloom. This doesn't mean that we don't have our bumps or that our routine can become lifeless. No matter what happens to our lives we both put the relationship first and I personally feel it is the nucleus of everything I create. The moments when I feel like we are getting distant are the moments I sit down and check myself for any room I might have made for disconnection and I course correct it.
We both treat our relationship almost as a separate entity to us. It's something we both aim to bring the best of ourselves to and we use it as a construct to have as much fun as possible. Basically we are both responsible for our own happiness, our passion and our ability to be vulnerable. We work on ourselves first and have a policy of complete, sometimes brutal truth with each other whilst creating a space that honours that. Routine plays a huge part in making our relationship work. So many people work at career plans and life plans but we seem to expect our relationships to just work. Each week at the top of my “to do” list is a question I take time over, “How can I show Stuart how much I love him?”. Then I take some time figuring out what I think might put a smile on his face. Some weeks it's as simple as organising a dog walk with a bag of chips after he comes home from work, some times it's a date night. Intuitively I look over the landscape of what we have and do my best to show up emotionally and spiritually for him. I see so many relationships go off course because they just haven't been maintained. You'd be surprised how big an impact re injecting acts of kindness can do to a couple.
There are of course those times when a relationship feels like it's beyond repair and in those moments I still give the same advice. Bring kindness, bring love and bring compassion to the space and watch as it alters. Sometimes this can be the catalyst of your love reigniting for the other person or it may just be your love reigniting for yourself. Either way no matter what scenario you wake up inside of, once you have awoken it's still your responsibility to respond to it. I've woken up inside relationships that have been so toxic that the most loving thing I could do was to leave immediately and I've woken up inside relationships where we have just served our time together. Either way I put love at the centre of all my decision making and I ensure that I am holding myself to account for the energy that I allow within myself and the energy that I bring to a space. Remember that relationships of all kinds are alters and can only work with what you put on them. Too often we look at what we are getting that what we are giving. To revive the love within our lives we must first revive it within ourselves.
Thank you for reading,
Big Love,
Ryan James xx