Hello loves,
As I sit here with the rain lashing at my windows and Oscar snoozing next to me my mind is drifting over ideas of inspiration. I sometimes feel like I am haunted by it. Idea after idea floods my mind and I feel like I am 5 artists and 3 psychics living in one body. In order to get anything done I have to listen to whatever idea seems to be “shouting” the loudest and I follow that. When all the ideas seem to be equally as noisy I pick the one that seems most practical. Working as a psychic and being an artist are way more similar than I at first thought. Both require you to connect to a vision bigger than yourself and surrender to it completely. For years I thought I had “choose” from my myriad of passions and push one thing and one thing only. I wish I'd had someone older and wiser around me at the time to let me know that I didn't have to. I wish someone would have told me that all artists are covert mystics. Inpiration is it's own energy and I totally agree with the idea that ideas thmselves are their own entities. Like spirits waiting to incarnate, ideas choose artists to give birth to them. I use the meditation of painting to get ideas in the same way as I use traditional meditation to be more aware of spirits. It's a beautiful process and one that I am sinking deeper into the older I get.
The biggest threat to my creativity has been the idea of competition. I have picked up too many bad habits in my time on the planet and this one has taken me the longest to disarm. It's been the gateway to jealousy, self loathing and me treating myself carelessly. Competition is a projected heirarchy. It forces you to pit yourself against others and quantify your self worth. The plus side of this experience is that it definitely shows you where your boundaries lay but I think the negatives outweigh the positives by a mile. Ambition is different. Ambition asks that you be the best version of yourself with the term “best” being defined as your most authentic self. By nature I am quite ambitious but I languaged it to myself through the prism of competiton. I still catch myself in these old habits now and again. When I find myself more concerned with how someone else is doing or when I have more of an emotional connection to someone else's success than I do my own then I know I'm knee deep in a competative ego headspace. That's when I put down whatever I'm doing and I journal, play in a sketchbook, meditate or exercize for a bit. I do what I can to ground myself.
Because competition is a product of ego it is dominantly head spaced whereas ambition, because it is rooted in authenticity, is heart spaced. To pull myself back to centre within my work I ask myself , “Am I telling MY story?”. Is what I am doing an authentic expression of who I am in this moment or, am I trying to prove something to someone somewhere on the planet. Ever caught yourself trying to win an argument that happened ten years ago? That's competition. It's important to ask yourself what your story is because that will define the trajectory of your life. Many people will have many stories about you but it's the one you tell yourself about who you that has the real power in your life. Whether you are making art, starting a business or reinvesting in your education, CHECK YOUR MOTIVES for doing so. Make sure that you are living your life for you and that ideas of toxic competition aren't a part of your choice. Remember, you manifest your own life and you get what you put out there in the world. Leave other people out of that conversation and keep it between you and your universe.
Big Love,
Ryan James x
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