Relationships by their very nature are platforms for growth. On some level we all know this but for such a long time I got stuck in a routine of thinking that the only growth you do is from the pain you go through at the end of a relationship. I mistook strength for the capacity to endure pain and I've seen that this last few months in a few of your lives. The biggest display of strength I've ever had to bring to the table turned out to eb the complete opposite of what I thought strength was. The toughest thing I've ever had to work on was to allow myself to be loved by my fiance. Allowing love in has made me grow in ways that have been intensely uncomfortable and explosively enriching. I got caught up in so many negative dynamics, holding myself back because I didn't see relationships for the gift they really are. Reflections of the love you carry within yourself mixed with your potential. Each person you have fallen in love with has held within themselves something you are and something you could be. That might be good news for some of you and it might be enlightening for others. What you choose to take from the interaction is entirely up to you. So what are you currently learning? What is your significant other showing you about yourself? If there is no significant other in your life then look closely at the relationships around you and see what they are bring each other. What are you learning?
For instance, all relationships hit a rut now and again, after the kids have grown up a bit, through a routine of working a nine to five, there's no real finger pointing here it just sometimes happens but what you do when it happens will reveal a hint toward the lesson you maybe need to look at. I've seen people consciously allowing ruts to run for YEARS in their relationships in the full knowledge that something needs to be done about it but hoping the other person will somehow magically start to interpret the myriad of subversive signs displayed and take control. It won't happen. If you want your relationship to change then you have to change. You have to look at what you want more of and become that. You want more fun? Become more fun! You want to go on more dates, make more dates! If you want more holidays, find adventures yourself! I know this next quote is a bit over used but it applies none the less, “Become the change you seek.”. When me and Stu hit these little bumps I immediately look at what I can do to make him feel more appreciated. I try to be more loving, more attentive, more connected and within a day or two he reflects that energy straight back to me.
I understand implicitly that my life is a reflection of the energy I choose to honour and that is no more prominently seen than in the relationships I keep. If I don't feel honoured, I look to honour myself, if I don't feel cared about/for I look to become caring. The more I invest in changing my approach the more lasting the change. Similarly the more chaos I feel is prominent in my life the more I know I need to let go. That's one of the biggest lessons Stu has brought me so far. Just allowing myself to be loved. Wanting no more, no less than what he brings to the table and forcing myself to let go of any and all learned defenses and surrender fully to the space of love we create together. So take a look at your partner today and think about what they are teaching you and more importantly what are you willing to be taught?
Thank you,
Big Love,
Ryan James x