Self doubt is, to put it spiritually, a pain in the ass. Recently I have questioned myself more than I have in years and each time I I find myself falling into that sinkhole the Universe gives me a slight nudge to remind me to trust because that's all self doubt really is, a lack of trust I the flow of the Universe. Now it's O.K not to trust to the Universe from time to time, she has been known to bring some questionable situations to the table but throughout it all she also brings the guidance to get you through it. We all have that little voice inside of us that knows. It just knows. When you are looking at someone, something or you are somewhere that isn't right for you there is a part of you that knows. It's listening to that part that is the foundation of a spiritual practice. I was speaking with a client yesterday about the spiritual energies that have been dominant this year. I don't think anything particularly worse has happened in peoples lives but the energy has wiped out our capacity to deal with it. This exhaustion has swept over us all and now that it is starting to lift it's like the clouds are parting and we are finding outselves again. The patterns of self doubt that I have been grappling with all year I now see clearly. I think we have had a global lesson in empathy. I think for the most part we have been allowed to feel the energy content of our culture and next year will be ridiculously action based.
It's O.K to question yourself. It's O.K to critique yourself. It's not O.K to criticize and belittle and sink your self worth into the ground. Self doubt is like a fog horn in your mind saying in one way or another that who you are or what you are doing is not enough. I get it, I've lived it a lot worse than I have this year but I am fortunate in that I have a skillset to deal with it. When your mind is playing havoc with you, you have the option to quiet it. You have the option to seek out any and every form of meditation you can get your hands on. You have the option to recognise that what you are feeling is not what you want to feel and then you can MAKE A CHOICE to feel something different. That doesn't mean that you will feel different automatically but making a choice, getting a goal, using your capacity to focus on something that you desire even if it is a feeling is a step towards autonomy. You have way more power in your life than you might think and you have even more power within your own body. All human beings have been given the gift of free will, use it. Make a choice.
Sometimes self doubt is like a stone in your shoe and sometimes it's like a brick in the face. Either way the answer to dealing with it is always same. One step at a time. You may have to make the choice to want to feel better 10 times a day and that will be tiring in itself but not making the choice costs you even more. You are good enough. You are worthy. You are sacred. You are a soul manifesting a human experience for the sheer hell of it. There is real joy, real happiness right where you sit in this moment. The first step to tapping into it is recognising that it is there. All spiritual practices function on this principle. That's why so many mystics call this process a remembering. You already know your value despite maybe having been taught something else. Its right there with you. You really do matter. You really are important. Surrender your mind to the light that you are built from and find the smallest nugget of quiet in your life, that's all you need to make a start.
Thank you for reading,
Big Love,
Ryan James x