I am so grateful. I woke up this morning a little earlier than usual and just drank some water as I opened the curtains and looked out over the sea. A coffee later and here I am, sat at the laptop with the sounds of the sea in the distance, gentle music playing in the background and the room is gently filling with incense. I have done my prayers, my intentions, my affirmations and I have a poem and a prayer to write after this. My morning routine is gentle, un intrusive to the day and of course, designed to be a reminder that I get to choose. Long ago I would dread a Monday morning. It would mean dragging myself out of bed to mechanically get dressed, run out to the door to catch the bus on time to then sit in a packed office with a phone attached to my ear for the next 8 hours. That lifestyle made me spiritually and emotionally exhausted. I really did crumble when living that way. It was a hard lesson to learn but ultimately one that became a personal truth. Some people thrive in that way of life. My husband-to-be loves that kind of routine. He loves his work, showing up on time and being a part of a community. I prefer to sit on the edges and watch what's happening around me. I prefer to turn up when I feel ready and do what I feel needs doing. It sounds quite romantic when you put it on paper but a lot of work has gone into setting up a lifestyle that suits me.
Like so many people I thought I would have to endure the world as it was set up. I didn't realise that I get to choose how to live. If something doesn't work for me then I get to look at it, change it if need be and create something new if I have to. There was no “psychic” option at the careers office. There were no real jobs for my skill set at the job centre ( although it was fun to see the look on their faces when I asked. ). Also being a gay man the world at that time had a set path for me but it wasn't the path I had for myself. Many men and women have a life set out for them long before their feet touch the ground here. Cultural gender norms would have women selflessly barefoot and pregnant taking care of everyone and men becoming emotionally unavailable walking cash machines. The point is we have been given this incredible gift of free will. We get to choose where to put our focus and to use it to our benefit. We get to tell our own story. If the world around you doesn't work for you then create a new one. If you want to live in a tiny house ( my new current obsession ) and travel the world living hand to mouth then do so. If you want to sit a space and paint all day then do so. Not in a childish way but maybe in a child-like way! Of course take care of your basic needs but also be aware of your calling.
When I look at my week ahead I am excited to see what's coming. Being self emplyed has it's own ups and downs but all of them are worth the ability to call the own shots in my life. I don't answer to anyone and I don't have any rules to follow other than the ones I set out for myself. This also means that there's no one to catch me if I fall and that when I don't work there's no money. So it really does depend on what set of circumstances you are most excited by. When you look at the week ahead of you what feeling are you most filled with? Excitement? Dread? Apathy? Fear? Love? Whichever it is you get to decide whether that feeling perpetuates or evolves into something else. Be an observer of your life this week. Sit in the quiet space in between your own thoughts and witness what is happening around you. If you want that to change then use that quiet space to search for an answer. You have everything you need to co create the life you were designed to live. All I want to do today is remind you that you have a choice whether to live that or not. Good Luck.
Thank you for reading,
Big Love,
Ryan James x
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