I sometimes think that most of the reason I feel a deep sense of “otherness” sometimes is that I am still in shock that I landed in a human body. I think most of you reading this can understand what I'm saying with that. Have you ever just looked around at the crazyness of the world and thought about how ridiculous it is? It's like I can't quite get over that I'm here again! I simultaneously see the majesty and the absurdity of the life I am living. I see that we are evolved apes hurtling through space on a hunk of rock and I also see that we are energy beings of pure light creating a multiverse as we leap off the imagined boundary of identity. That identity is something we make a huge meal out of. As soon as you incarnate your body is judged, placed in a hierarchy, abused with bad foods and pretty much languaged to you as something that carries your brain around. We don't get that we are a part of a huge eco system that is the human frame. You are literally sat inside a Universe of your very own experiencing another Universe around you. A circle within a circle.
When I was young I was shown through culture that there were only two types of human body. Ugly and beautiful. If you weren't considered beautiful then you had to pretty much cease to exist and “know your place”. Yes, I totally bought into that way of thinking for a long time. Most of it was just youth, we consider physical beauty a lot more when we are young because that's the time when we are most likely to want to attract a mate but; I still have a few emotional habits from that time that continue to show up. I fell into the latter category, or at least I felt like I did and it definitely impacted my ability to claim ownership over what I felt I wanted. When I look back into my patterns the belief that I was an “ugly duckling” contributed heavily to me moving forward. It's the nucleus of the “Who do you think you are?” egoic journey. I see this play out in so many of my clients who feel like because they have decided that they aren't beautiful don't reach beyond what they have been told they deserve to go for what they truly deserve. Sometimes I think that our culture has gotten worse with this way of thinking especially now that everything is filtered and projected on line. Then again I also see that there is a new tapestry of beauty that we are creating in the world that is all inclusive. It's the idea that we are all beautiful in our own way and that it is on us to show the world what that beauty is.
Human beings are a collection of lumps and bumps, smells and burps and one body is no better than another. The emotional impact of how your body is judged in the world is still on you to unravel. Consciously or not you give the words that are spoken to you meaning which, if you've told yourself a negative story means that you can UN-tell it. I'm not going to pretend and say that I always feel beautiful but on the whole yes I do but beauty is no longer about my capacity to attract a mate. That level of beauty doesn't interest me any more. For me now beauty is a verb. It's a deep gratitude to be alive inside this weird body that has primal hands, teeth, eyes and ears. I am in a space mostly of deep fascination with this human animal I get to experience from the inside out. I can't think of anything more beautiful that where I am right now in this moment. I do everything I can not to demean it by adding to the mix my judgments of how I think I might be perceived by others. I won't demean it by giving the words and actions of others weight in my life. I get to define what beauty is for me and you do too. Acknowledge where you have been but please, see the beauty that lies everywhere, that will be how you step forward into something brighter.
Thank you for reading,
Big Love,
Ryan James x
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