I knew my time in the office was coming to an end. We were all packed in like sardines, row after row of people chatting on phones trying our best to convince people to give us their credit card details so that we could send them a mobile phone. I was fresh out of college and I had once again found myself in a place with an all too familiar sinking feeling in my gut. Cold calling was by far the worst job I had. I had worked on a deli, a supermarket, a market stall, a bar, a restaurant, a gift shop and the same thing would happen each time. Two months in I would start to feel like a caged animal. The routine of getting up each morning, the chair I would sit in for 8 hours, the frantic lunch break, the need to get away, office chatter, all of it felt like a pressure cooker. Eventually I found a way to help me cope. I started to draw, I would sneak little scraps of paper next to my phone on the desk and draw things out. Ideas for paintings, book ideas, poem ideas, song ideas, all of it was a psychological construct that helped me withstand the day to day overwhelming impact of a life that I didn't belong to. Soon the day came that I got fired. I knew it was coming, I hadn't been hitting my targets and I couldn't have cared less. When I walked out of that building with my paycheck I got myself a cake, hopped on the bus home with a smile on my face. I probably should have been more worried but even back then I knew that something was in play.
I spoke to my friend that night and we talked about what I was going to do next with my life. We met up and I showed her all of the doodles and drawing I had done and she suggested I apply to University to do the course she was on. I applied, got an unconditional offer and that summer I began my degree in Illustration. Now whilst I think the course itself was utter crap and it has in no way prepared me for any of my artistic interestes the course itself offered me a cushion of time to figure myself out. We expect kids these days to have everything sorted out by the time they are 25 and it's just too much pressure. It certainly was for me. But by the time I had left the course I felt mature enough to at least handle the ins and out of adult living. I had enough time to realise that working for others was not what was going to make me happy and that the way forward for me had to include being self employed.
Some people function better when the routine is laid out for them. Some function better when they get to set that routine out for themselves. I am clearly in the latter. One is not better than the other, they're just different. I think the sooner you figure this out the better. It can help you to figure out which kind of job would most suit you and can eliminate a lot of trial and error. Of course we all need to put money in our pockets but when you know you are working towards something then the crappy job feels more like a stepping stone than a dead end. Which side are you most in alignment with? Do you prefer to set your own rules or do you like to uphold already established structures? The quicker you figure things like this about yourself the better you can select a lifestyle, create a lifestyle that honours who you really are. Look at what you do during times of stress. Look at what you do to hold onto a semblance of peace in your life. There are clues everywhere. Follow the breadcrumbs and see where they take you.
Thank you for reading,
Big Love,
Ryan James x
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