There are 7 billion people on this planet, which means there are 7 billion egos seeking definition externally so to expect that we are all going to get along is just a little lofty. Disagreements are a natural part of the human experience. We all have our own flavours of light and we all like to express them as we choose. My rule of thumb is that if it isn't hurting anyone else then what's the problem?! But people have a habit of butting their noses in where it doesn't belong. As a gay man I grew up in a culture where the government, major religions and quite a few Joe Bloggs on the street thought that what went on in my bedroom was their business. So much so that they took it upon themselves to try and erradicate who I was and also take out anyone like me. This gave me quite a few skill sets on how to deal with conflict. It also helped to recognise conflict before it erupted into something toxic which has come in handy when it comes to other parts of my life.
I always think that the quicker you nip somethig in the bud the better but I also believe in second chances. If someone hurts you unintentionally then I always give it a little wiggle room, I still hold people accountable in the same way as I would hope they would do for me but that all changes when it comes to people who attempt to intentionally hurt me. That for me is black and white. If you go out of your way to say something horrible, attempt to threaten, or even attempt to engage me in a power play I will cut you out of my energy and never let you back in. I don't make a drama out of it, I don't even need to say anything half of the time but at that point the line is drawn and we are done. That doesn't mean I won't still hold love and forgiveness for you in my heart but that doesn't mean I give you any room in my life. One of the most important lessons I've learned is to hold people responsible for the energy that they bring you. If they attack you then you have the right to defend and define your boundaries but be wary of attacking back. Be mindful of your reaction. Those are the seeds that you sew for your own life.
I've been attacked professionally, publically and personally. I've been called everything from a con man to a mean old witch with cancer causing mind beams ( I kid you not ) and I am so grateful that my instinct within all of that is to say nothing. I understand that when people show you that side of themselves they are simply telling you who they are and it's up to you whether you make it anything to do with yourself. I can be hurt by what someone says but it's my choice whether to give what was said agency in my mind. There is a difference between the trauma of the interaction and the value you place on the exchange of words. A whole society once told me that I was dirty, subversive, lesser than. It hurt and it was traumatic but it was on my shoulders whether I chose to think those things about myself. I think the best way through these situations is to look at them through the lens of love. Look at those who attack you for what they are, broken people seeking definition externally who have yet to learn that love and compassion is an inside job. Take a breath and love them anyways!
Thank you for reading,
Big Love,
Ryan James x
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