An everlasting balancing act.
It has taken me a while to understand the very sensitive dynamic between momentum and peace. There are times in my life when everything feels 100 miles and hour and there are times when it feels like everything has come to a full stop. I love working and being productive. I love making lists and ticking them off. I love having lots to do. I also love doing nothing. I love “vegging” out. I love wandering around the parks with my dog and thinking about things. What I have found hard is to maintain a balance between these two. I understand the need for downtime and self care but my old workaholic tendencies often try to lace those activities with guilt. When I am busy and rushing around I become painfully aware of my need for downtime and there I am again, right back into the energy of guilt.
I, like most of us today swallowed whole the idea of perfectionism. Perfectionism is nothing other than an idea of conformity. It is based around an image and feeling place we call a “successful life” and we are often told this will afford us love and connection. In this crazy level of busyness we can often mistake love and connection for the relief of accomplishment which is a trap I fell into a lot as a young man. Managing and balancing all of the elements you need to have this type of life is exhausting and very often inauthentic. It has taken me a while to shed the bulk of this weight and relax into a place within myself where I can confidently ask, “What do I actually WANT to do right now?”. The feeling place of SHOULD is a removal from authenticity and it immediately makes you feel wrong. When I want to do something but feel I “should” be doing something else I root myself back into that question, “What do I actually WANT to do right now?”.
There is a time to be busy and a time to be quiet. There is a time to make lists and time to watch telly all day. There is a time to eat healthily and a time to pig out on your favourite pizza. The way to move yourself seamlessly through those times is to remove the guilt associated with any “should”'s that you have in your mind. To remove the “should”'s you need to be as honest with yourself as possible. When you want to go and do something and truly want to, then do it. Move towards what your heart is pointing you towards, not what you have been told will give you happiness. Distinguish between the feelings of loving what you are creating and a pat on the head from society. You are a strong, potent and wise spirit and deep in your boots you know you came here with purpose and on purpose! Replace perfectionism with honesty and relief with happiness and you'll start to feel better.
Big Love
Ryan James