Recently shadows and remnants of my past have been turning up in all over my life. It's been so bizarre that I actually double checked to see if we were in a mercury retrograde again! But no, the Universe had something else in mind. You know that feeling when you can sense everything shifting around you but you can't quite put your finger on it? That's where I've been for about two weeks. I have felt a deeper sense of love, a deeper compassion and a stronger connection which has not only been displaying itself in my life but also throughout my work too. So I couldn't quite figure out why I was experincing some of the negative stuff that was randomly turning up. After a series of meditations and prayers I was guided to an understanding that I needed to do some more healing on myself. It all makes sense to me now but for the last week or so it just totally boggled my mind!
Before we take any step forward into our greatness we tend to have to clean up anything that might stand in our way. Any old hurts or old pains will come to the surface in order for you to deal with them and surrender them so that you can rise simply and effortlessly into the next stage of self love.You will have to affirm new boundaries, let go of old ones and subtly redefine what is and isn't appropriate in your life. I have been seeing pieces of a time in my life that was extremely painful and where I experienced a deep betrayal of trust. I totally understand the lesson. I won't go into detail but it all began because I refused to trust a strong message I received from my intuition. The deeper I got into the situation the stronger that message became until the moment when the insight played itself out before my very eyes. My intuition, like all intuition was unsurprisingly spot on. Even though that time in my life taught me to NEVER distrust my instincts again it was still very painful. Each new level of love demands a new level of intimacy, a new depth of vulnerability so I'm not shocked that elements of the time when it was most betrayed have resurfaced.
That's kind of how the Universe works to your benefit sometimes. When you run into an old flame, an old friend, an old memory, it doesn't mean something horrible in your life. It can be simply to show you how far you have come, or maybe that you still have a way to go, or in my case, a pointer in the direction where healing is needed. I have been praying, journalling, forgiving, loving, surrendering and then praying some more and I genuinely feel like all I am dealing with now are the remnants. Of course ultimately the only person I really need to forgive is myself for not trusting what I knew to be true. Hurt, pain, anger, rage are all steps on the path into forgiveness and they can't be skipped. Leave no stone unturned and no wound unexamined. This is the only way I know to truly free yourself of any dormant pain in your system. I am ready to experience a new intimacy, a new vulnerability and a new level of love and that excites me. I feel like I am on the tail end of the preparation for it. Writing is an elixir for me, a magical alchemy that offers me a deep freedom. Today I love more fiercely, forgive more deeply, honour more thoroughly and live more compassionately and as always, I follow the intuitive nudge to share my journey with all who are compelled towards it. I can not wait to see where this deeper feeling of completion will take me!
Thank you for listening,
Big Love,
Ryan James
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