The pain lay across my chest. I had been in bed for weeks now and being 18, full of energy at a time before internet, when your mum would offer to carry the TV from downstairs up to your room to keep you entertained I was just bored. I stared up at the ceiling and tried to force myself to sit up in bed, having to do it slowly so as to not rip the stitches that were across my back. The lung surgery I had was apparently not a complete success but at least my lungs wouldn't collapse any more. My lungs started collapsing when I was 17 and within months it became a regular occurence. Almost every other month I was in hospital unable to breathe. I won't go into the medical bumph here but it was not a fun time. The bubbles of air that were around my lungs kept “popping” and continued to do so but the op did it's job and kept my lungs in place. The good news is that I would make a full recovery, the bad news was that I would have to have 4 to 5 months of bed rest. Fortunately this happened to me when I was young so the momentum of youth and a young immune system meant that I was up and about in a normal-ish was within 2 months. So long as I took my time I was O.K. What I'd also done during that time in bed, to keep myself entertained was to write a book!
I'm a firm believer in creativity. Not just painting and music and all that stuff but in the creative adaptability of the human mind. I truly believe that no matter what situation you are in that there is always something you can do. Like me being stuck in bed for a few months, I could have just sat there and done nothing but I chose to make the most of the time. I saw my limits and worked within them. There is something that happens to people when they come up against a brick wall in whatever form that takes. When dreams are shattered, when lives fall apart, when what we have been working towards just slips through our fingers that is when you see the meat and bones of a person. After the initial shock, tears and drama there is ALWAYS a moment, a pin drop silence where you get to decide if you are going to be a victim to your situation or whether you are going to figure out what to do with what is left. I have been at points where my entire life has collapsed from underneath me and the thing that helps me through those times is to focus on what needs to be done. What can be done? Being pro active within your situation will keep you sane.
If there are no jobs out there for you right now think about creating one for yourself. If there is no one out there to buy you flowers, buy them for yourself! You have a choice to get things moving no matter where you are. I understand that when things fall to pieces it can take a while for you to get back on your feet but once the dust has settled you get to empower yourself with your own choices. Many times in my life I've been out of work, heart broken, depressed, sick and I've watched many of my goals and dreams fall apart in my hands. During those times I've taken the pieces of what's been left and tried my best to make them work. I've taken many detours, sometimes complete 180's but I always do my best to take ownership of the moment. What needs to be done? What can be done? What is left to do? Take a step towards ownership today by looking out over the landscape of your life and using what you have available to you to move yourself forward. You are stronger, more capable and built out of a ferocious love that is unstoppable. Just be brave enough to believe it.
Thank you for reading,
Big Love,
Ryan James x
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